Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Jesus and the Grandmother Problem

How can I put this politely? An online dictionary suggests "bowel movement" for the word I had in mind so you can guess what I had originally intended! So... this morning I had a good, very satisfying "bowel movement". Only, when I'd finished and looked down, there was a lizard in the pan. JESUS! I nearly had another "bowel movement" all over the floor!!

Just one of the many "WTF WAS THAT??" moments.


I have a bit of a problem with the grandmother next door. In a way it's a nice problem to have but still, I wish I didn't have it: she keeps giving me food! They're a poor family and I'm not related nor a close friend so I feel bad about accepting it. I've told her "No, you shouldn't". I've told her I've just eaten. I've told her I'm too fat. I've tried every excuse I can think of. I protest but accept it, assuming that it would be more rude to return it. But, when all else failed, I resorted to sending it back. That worked for two days! It's not that it's horrible food - in fact it's rather good, and the occasional sweet thing is especially good. It's just that I feel awkward taking it. I've heard that rejecting it is like an insult, that it would make them feel inferior, or that it would seem I'm trying to be superior. But they can't afford it! So, what to do? Accepting it but binning it is NOT an option - besides it being wasteful and a "sin", the old lady empties my bins! She picks over everything. If there are food scraps then they go to the goats. If anything can be reused then she'll re-use it. And if not, she'll burn it.

My latest plan was to protest but accept it, saying that I'd eat it later, putting it in the fridge and yes, eating it later, but then returning the pots a few days down the line. That way, if she kept giving me stuff, her kitchen pots would all end up in the fridge so she couldn't give me more! Cunning, huh? Well no, actually. Food has now started arriving in banana leaves or wrapped in newspaper...

I think she's won.

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